August 16, 2007

phobias i have known

punctophobia- fear that a car tyre has developed a puncture. this usually happens while driving late at night, with nary a pancher repare bhooth in sight. this is a particularly annoying phobia for the other occupants of the car as they are forced to get out, stare at plump tyre and help* change it.

mahiphobia- fears of songs with the word mahi**, mahiya or other variations. i would list the offending songs, but I tremble as i type the words. (retires to another room and gulps down a strawberry smoothie, stiffish). the origin of the phobia can be traced to my fish-eating childhood in hawaii.

incompletophobia- fear of reading books that the author didn't end. austen and her Sanditon, Dickens and his mystery of edwin drood, adams and his doubtful salman, all those "Kafka never completed this work", and the technically-complete-but-but short stories of murakami. very frustrating, though i don't blame the authors for posthumous publication. i blame myself.

parkophobia- the fear of parking underground. partly there's the irrational fear that the building will collapse on top of me, and i'll lie there crushed but alive. and the fairly rational fears that i) i will bump into a pillar while negotiating a cunning turn; and ii) i will forget where the car is parked.

sachypoohobia- fear of watching sachin bat. he might get out any minute! and then what meaning would life hold?

What are the phobias you have known? Comment away..

* not so much helping, as actually doing the thing.

** 25 years of watching hindi films and i have no idea what it means. please, don't tell me.


Orcaella brevirostris said...

bunch of well-adjusted unphobic readers!

Typants, Smar said...

leftsumpininroomophobia - periodically, especially in new places/non-home places, you will find us doing a disturbing dance routine which involves grabbing one butt cheek, then another, then front-right thigh and then front-left. this is not to be construed as some perversion. we are checking that in fact we have taken our wallet, keys, and phone - all of which we are terrified of leaving back in some strange place.

cannotgetoffophobia - alternately known as willmissthestopophobia in the medical literature. used to be a fairly problematic problem, causing one to edge to door of moving vehicle approximately in Mulund when one's destination was VT, so to say. needless to say, leaving behind a trail of battered bodies and broken limbs. nowadays, this is in abeyance, owing to extensive travel in city buses and realizing that the traffic is so bad, even if you miss the stop, you can get off 2 metres away.

sarkaaridaftarphobia - who can be blamed? any sort of official work - replacing lost documents, getting anything registered etc. induces this. mostly it is a fear of blowing one's top in said daftar and visions of being dragged away kicking and screaming into some gulag. version 2.0 involves visions of oneself in "Mohan Joshi Haazir Ho", "Albert Pinto Ko Gussa Kyon Aata Hai", "Khosla Ka Ghosla" type helpless situations - a portly, balding, middle-aged man who circumlocutes around various offices every day for the rest of his pathetic life.

on sachypoohobia (you thought we wouldn't say anything about it? wraaang!), this should've been cured by now, no? he does get out any minute, there is no might. discard this one like an old torn T-shirt...

Orcaella brevirostris said...

those are all good phobias, party smants (patronisingly).

but shouldn't there be one on pigeons? or is it the other way around? pidgies have a ludwophobia-a giant blob covered with chicken bir scares them in their own house!

sexysqueakypoohobia remark will be falsified by the events that follow. any day now.

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Opaline said...

Hello, came back here after ages. I've been wondering what maahiya meant too, nobody seems to know.